... and I must oblige. Especially since Europe, the idea of Europe, what Europe represents politically and spiritually, is calling me.

How absurd. But its true! At the moment I find myself in the process of writing my dissertation on Immigration law, primarily concerned with the French and British approach, and really, it has been an eye-opener. I mean, I knew we were all pretty restrictionist, but this was uncanny. During the last month I have been immersing myself in all of this...

I'm speaking of Kuwait. I lived here for eight years, during which the only foreign deaths were the deaths of a few American and Canadian soldiers, who died because friendly fire or plain freak American military accidents.

And that was it.

Now, ever since the 'War' in Iraq, I have been able to appreciate how Kuwait has changed, since I visit every Christmas holidays (parents still work here). This year has been the worst, by far. You may (or may not) have heard of the...

Write like a madman.

Furiously, with craze, with passion, with unrelenting force - but write like a fucking madman!

Write!

Ant.

Dear Reader;

Are you still there, faithful reader? Are you still lingering in the background somewhere, ever so distant? No need to be so distant, I am about to show you something very personal, here. Come closer.

For years now, I have been aware of the Mind Palace that I have constructed for myself. Indeed, there is nothing unique about the formation of a mind palace, for centuries it has been recorded in medecine, psychology and philosophy - Voltaire was explicit...

Dear Reader;

I apologise if you have had the misfortune to read this entry, but curiousity did kill the cat, you know. The other day I commented to someone how I have grown tired of looking at journal and only seeing rants and moans, I guess I never really write in here when I am happy. However, I simply cannot help myself; I need to write something quick somewhere or else I shall just dwell on it even more.

My fourth of july;

was spent staring into the...

Well, you know, I am incredibly pissed off with the way a lot of people have been behaving. Some more than others. (Note, as I do want to get across that I am pissed off - I will vent, and though I would love to mention names, I will not).

One of the perks I felt at first of becoming a Mod in FYM was to be able to really make it 'free'. I thought it ironic that I was appointed a Mod, as I once said (to Sicy's displeasure, if I recall correctly) that 'having a Mod in FYM is like saying...

So Frank is a sadomasochistic pervert suffering from Tourette's syndrome who loves to inflict pain on the wife of the man he's kidnapped. He beats her, rapes her, invades her body, and screams out obscenities (as well as 'Baby wants to fuck... Daddy wants to play...') for foreplay. He discovers Kyle McClachlan's (sp) character in her room one day, and takes him out for a 'joy ride'. This is when David Lynch's 'Blue Velvet' turns into even stranger territory than the bizarre 'sex' scene did between...

Cher Lecteur;

"J'aurai pas besoin de me suicider, j'aurai qu'a me laisser aller".

C'est un peu ettonant, cher lecteur, de lire une chose trop vrai. Cet amour me va detruire, mais ca ne me pas concerne vraiment. Je ne regrette rien, et ca c'est le plus important. Ca c'est l'essentiel.

Ant.

Yes, for everytime He spoke
to Me, for everytime he spoke,
I listened like a lover to his
beloved, a mother to her son's cry.

I held him in my heart
Without his knowing,
I kissed him in my Mind
Without his feeling.

The pale light a thunderstorm,
perched on a cross of deep-fashioned red,
He was meant for higher thrones, deserved better
than the stone of his own Pride.

But yes, I held him in...

My isolation from all thats growing,
The hidden thunder and the pain is flowing,
Daughter of Earth my only virtue.

The wretched fruit of mine own womb,
A flutter of feathers behind the blinding window,
The whispers passed from Mother to Daughter
And the menstrual river his thrown, his
Birthplace, the only seed to sow with such
Great love, with such great pain.

As I deliver him onto the world;
...

Dear Reader;

I have now a moment, after a series of moments throughout the day, to give you an update on whats happening in my little world.

It has been a strange day, I believe. I have continued writing, and I have been more and more encouraged. Ther writing is a drug, I believe. It changes you as your write it, while you yourself change the very nature of what you write. I realised today, looking over the novel in its 243 pages of completion, what a diverse and rather...

Dear Reader;

The only thing in life that is unbearable is that nothing is unbearable.

Ant.

Dear Reader;

Life has been interesting recently. I seem to have discharged my mind concerning the various emotional travails I have encountered as of late, and have concerned myself with certain things I have to do within this week.

Primarily, the novel is going strong. It is doing well, yes, but not as well as I would like it to. As always, it is a slow process which is made slower by my constant dissatisfaction with the work and its revisiting, its revising. Therefore,...

Dear Reader;

This will be my 13th entry, and what a joy it is for it to be so, since 13 is my lucky number. I was born on Friday the 13th, and it has always brought me luck. (I realise this is very high school cheerleaderish, but I thought it would be a pleasant break from tradition to have the word 'joy' in my journal).

At the moment I seem to be obsessed with three things; Phillip Glass, Arthur Miller's 'The Crucible' and Aldous Huxley's 'The Devils of Loudun', upon...

Dear Reader;

It has been a while since I last wrote about my monotonous life-style on the blue canvas that is my journal at interference, but I have been on an Easter break and have run away to the city in an attempt to get away from the feelings I have for this person I have been writing about in my journal. Yes, the yearning continues. How tedious.

However, I managed to forget about my woes and turmoil for a while. I remembered why it is that I want to live in the...