Yesterday was Nick and my one year anniversary. I had to work the morning, we started early (6am ) so we were done by 2pm. It was raining buckets. At the end of my shift, my boyfriend was waiting outside in the car. As I got closer, I saw something on the front seat. Flowers. I and showed them off briefly to one of my co-workers and got in the car. We were to go to supper later, but first we went home and took a much needed nap.

We went to supper at Boston Pizza (and it was...

Landlord was over today to start on the patchwork of the holes. Also, my boyfriend figured out what was wrong with the pipes and today I was treated to a lovely, long hot shower

Also, for our trouble in dealing with our hol(e)y apartment this past week, our landlords gave us a 50 dollar gift certificate for Boston Pizza. Thought that was very good of them.

So, less holes in the wall.. hot water.. now I just need to get through work tomorrow so I can enjoy...

Flail!

So the other night after I took a shower I could hear something in the bedroom. There is a hole in the wall there where they fixed a leaky pipe a month or so ago. They hadn't patched that over so my boyfriend got down on his stomach and shone a light inside.. another pipe had ruptured and was spraying down all over the place. Nick wrapped a sock around it and we left it for the moment.

In the morning, I went to work and when I called up home at work.. Nick said they were installing...

So, was sitting surfing the net today when my phone rings. It was work asking me if I needed employment. I said certainly and I'll be starting back tomorrow. Still having extreme anxiety issues but hoping I will be able to do this. Feeling slightly less useless, now to get rid of the exasperated part!

Got to love the curveballs life throws sometimes.

I had been on Paxil since 2001 for panic attacks and it had worked fairly well. I would feel anxious but instead of having panic attacks I would simply feel really irritated.. which was a welcome respite. This year however, I had to get off them since I was feeling very suicidal early on in the year, those of you who have kept up with my blog know why. They tried me on Effexor XR 75mg for about a month, but didn't feel it was doing anything so took me off. The withdrawal effects from coming off...

... creep the hell out of me. Mostly just one though. There is a mother and son who live upstairs. She is very nice, has to be in her 80's. Her son, though, gives me the heebie jeebies. You know how you get a feeling sometimes by looking at someone.

Anyway, it's really weird. Maybe I'm just uber paranoid.. which I tend to be sometimes... but their movements up their really creep me out somedays. For example, I didn't sleep well last night. Awhile ago, they had launched a noise complaint...

Thirteen years after randomly watching Rattle and Hum and getting hooked on this band, I finally get the opportunity to see the band live along with my boyfriend (also a huge U2 fan and also his first show). Words cannot describe it really.

I was expecting Breathe and I had gone so much as to hint to Nick at the entrance with the smoke and Larry. When I saw them all come on at the same time, after screaming and hooting and wooing I thought somethings up. Magnificent. Oh, just, wow.....

Was talking with my boyfriends dad today and he said we need customs tags? for our cameras and laptops when traveling into the US.

Wondering if this is true.. I can't find any info on it or what that's about

I want to take a camera, having never been to Boston.

After all the talk and the excitement (yes I even got excited about the prospect of forgiveness) and I felt so strong and ready. Well, my boyfriend sent an email to my assaulter with .. no response. So I waited a few days, then I sent an email. Instant response. This guy is major douche. He's like... is Nick aware of everything was your idea. Like any typical sexual assault perp, placing the blame on me. That really fucking hurt. We were trying.. and I was putting myself out on a limb for my boyfriend...

I find with each passing day I am becoming more open to this. I seem to go in waves of great, not so great, bitter bitter bitter and then back up again.

I just want to put it behind me. I want my boyfriend to have his friends back (though admittedly that will take time, I realize) I want closure and I want to move on.

At the same time, I don't want to compromise myself.

It's like falling into a bog.. walking but not knowing if you're going to step on solid ground or sink up to your eyeballs.


I am so tired.

I know the last thing you want to hear.. go enjoy your summer...

With September comes the 21st and that would be the concert I have tickets to. When I first bought them I was excited and ready and yes yes yes I'm finally going to see them live.

Things are changing, money is tighter and I am worried about being able to afford this. I just got back from an amazing trip to the Rockies ...

I feel lately, and I know I'm probably in the minority.. I feel...

Yea, this week was rough. Speculation, rumors flying and all the kind of things I really don't need right now. It was the lowest I had been since I came forward, but thanks to my boyfriend and support of friends.. I am still here.

I have been having trouble getting to sleep this past week. There was a major meltdown the first of the week, alot of comforting going on.. but even after the comforting and hugs I simply stared at the ceiling.

Same thing happened last night. But nothing major really happened last night, so it's weird.

I hate being tired and not being able to sleep.

There is apparently an older couple that lives upstairs. They must have hardwood floors because every...