Bet You Miss Your Friends
Posted 09-09-2008 at 07:48 PM by Bonochick
You're right, Ryan Adams. I do. Thanks for the reminder.
I've had this problem since I left my hometown and moved downstate over 8 years ago: making friends. Not even attending college provided me with lasting friendships. Yes, there were people I hung out with. We had great times, did lots of things...but where are they now? They just kind of faded away as we all graduated at separate times, despite any efforts made to stay in touch.
I currently find myself with plenty of people to talk to...but I don't have anybody I can call to go somewhere...to come over...whatever. Nobody I can stop by to visit. Nobody who comes over to my house to visit. Nobody to ask me to water their plants for them while they are in Vegas.
How the hell do you meet people and become friends? Single people may hiss at me, but I think it's a lot easier to find someone to date than it is to find a friend. It doesn't help that I tend to be incredibly shy and insecure around people I don't know.
I was shopping for music magazines on Sunday at Barnes & Noble. The guy ringing me up spied Conor Oberst on the cover of one of them and asked me if I was a Bright Eyes fan. I excitedly said yes, and we got into a great conversation. I then realized we were totally holding up the line, and I figured that wasn't cool, so it was time to go. I was so close to grabbing one of my business cards out of my wallet to give to him...asking him to email me so we could talk more music, and I could make him a mix. However, the above-mentioned shyness and insecurity prevailed. I also had this fear that he'd think that I was hitting on him...and with him being cute and me being not-so-cute, it would just be awkward and wrong. I left with my bag of magazines, surely never to speak to him again.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy person. I like my job, and I like being at home with Ernie and the dogs and my fish. But there are times (like tonight) when I get that twinge of sadness when I think about how I don't have the great circle of friends to call on like I used to. I'm more of a homebody than a going out person, but the option of going out sure is nice sometimes. I visited my sister back in our hometown recently, and she has friends texting her all the time. One of them texted her to ask her and me out to the bar the night I arrived. We went and had such a great time...but it made me a little sad too. It made me really miss my old friends.
I kinda hate myself for writing this entry, as I have pretty much made myself sound like a total loser.
I've had this problem since I left my hometown and moved downstate over 8 years ago: making friends. Not even attending college provided me with lasting friendships. Yes, there were people I hung out with. We had great times, did lots of things...but where are they now? They just kind of faded away as we all graduated at separate times, despite any efforts made to stay in touch.
I currently find myself with plenty of people to talk to...but I don't have anybody I can call to go somewhere...to come over...whatever. Nobody I can stop by to visit. Nobody who comes over to my house to visit. Nobody to ask me to water their plants for them while they are in Vegas.
How the hell do you meet people and become friends? Single people may hiss at me, but I think it's a lot easier to find someone to date than it is to find a friend. It doesn't help that I tend to be incredibly shy and insecure around people I don't know.
I was shopping for music magazines on Sunday at Barnes & Noble. The guy ringing me up spied Conor Oberst on the cover of one of them and asked me if I was a Bright Eyes fan. I excitedly said yes, and we got into a great conversation. I then realized we were totally holding up the line, and I figured that wasn't cool, so it was time to go. I was so close to grabbing one of my business cards out of my wallet to give to him...asking him to email me so we could talk more music, and I could make him a mix. However, the above-mentioned shyness and insecurity prevailed. I also had this fear that he'd think that I was hitting on him...and with him being cute and me being not-so-cute, it would just be awkward and wrong. I left with my bag of magazines, surely never to speak to him again.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty happy person. I like my job, and I like being at home with Ernie and the dogs and my fish. But there are times (like tonight) when I get that twinge of sadness when I think about how I don't have the great circle of friends to call on like I used to. I'm more of a homebody than a going out person, but the option of going out sure is nice sometimes. I visited my sister back in our hometown recently, and she has friends texting her all the time. One of them texted her to ask her and me out to the bar the night I arrived. We went and had such a great time...but it made me a little sad too. It made me really miss my old friends.
I kinda hate myself for writing this entry, as I have pretty much made myself sound like a total loser.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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You're not a total loser!!!!!
I feel the same way.
Actually a bit worse since i left my friends and family and moved more than 5000 miles away...
Posted 09-09-2008 at 08:26 PM by AngelK 
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I feel like the same way at times. happy for the most part with how things are going (not including my job drama here), but wishing it was often easier to make new friends herePosted 09-09-2008 at 08:43 PM by U2Girl416 -
To be honest I have noticed that people who got into serious (live-in) relationships pretty early on, like their early 20s, have a harder time with this. My friend says that her biggest regret was meeting her b/f during the first week of college because she just kind of adopted him as her best friend. They broke up 7 years later and she says she feels like a whole chunk of her life is missing.
People in relationships just don't seem to have the same need or drive to go out and meet more people because there is always somebody there at home for them, I think. At least it's how I feel.
But anyway, the easiest way to meet people is school. Second easiest is work, but if you work in a small place/office, that is hard. Do you do any sports? Joining an intramural league is really helpful and I've met a lot of people through my cycling classes, and my friends have had a similar experience by joining a frisbee team or whatever.Posted 09-09-2008 at 09:56 PM by anitram -
I've recently made a huge move, and now my friends are everywhere else but here.
I'm one of the most outgoing people I know, yet I still have yet to make a friend here (not counting my roommates and people that i barely chat with in class).
I've no advice...but hang in there. Hopefully some more people will fall into your life.Posted 09-09-2008 at 09:57 PM by unico -
I have the same problem too. I don't know how people become friends. I made tons of friends in school last year but now they're still at home while I'm in a new city. I talk to them all the time but I really didn't need anymore email and text buddies; I need people that I can go to the bar with or grab a coffee with and just talk about nothing. If my move away from home showed me anything it shows that I do actually have people that want to hang out with me. More people than I thought by the amount of requests I get from them to hang out when they find out I'm coming home. So that's something to look forward to. But for now I'm sort of stuck in a friendless world in my new city and I don't like it. It's hard to meet people in the resort industry because everyone works different days and time of day.
Also, in recent years I've discovered that people I thought were my friends really were not. Some situations were not really all that shocking but others were done in a really classless way of telling me I wasn't important to them anymore. So because of that, I have a hard time wanting to reach out to find people.
Sorry....that probably didn't help. But you're not alone.Posted 09-10-2008 at 02:34 AM by arw -
I've been feeling the same way lately. It's really tough.
I moved countries a month ago but I don't think I'll make many friends anytime soon. It's really hard being somewhere where people speak another language and they seem to be really private. I thought I'd meet people at work (most of them are British/American) but lots of them have families and the ones who don't all live in the city we work in. They think I live really far away because I don't live and work in the same country. It's really only 30 minutes away by train and there are people living just outside the city who take much longer to get to work than I do. Our boss took the new people out last weekend and the weekend before and it was never mentioned to me. I know I shouldn't really be bothered by it but I was a bit peeved. I think they did it because they reckon I live with someone I wouldn't want to go out or that I live too far away. I would like to go to a class or something but some days I have to stay late for (really long
) meetings and I'm spending all my evenings working. I'm lucky that I have 2 months off in the summer so I can go back home, I guess I can't complain too much.
P.s. Ryan Adams
Posted 09-10-2008 at 04:53 PM by Laura M -
Thanks for all the comments, everyone. I feel bad that others are in the same spot as I am, but it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.Posted 09-10-2008 at 07:40 PM by Bonochick -
But, BC, you have all of us!
IMHO, the best way to make new friends is to get involved in something (sports league, church group, hobby group, volunteer group, whatever you're interested in). Especially if, as you say, you're kind of shy (so am I). I made my best friends through a church singles group, and met other people through a public speaking group and volunteer work at my local library.Posted 09-11-2008 at 12:22 AM by jobob
