Fitzgerald Died :(

He had been doing so well. We had been figuring he could go back in the regular tank this weekend. This really was a shock.

I came home from work yesterday and found Fitzgerald laying on his side on the bottom of the tank. I immediately thought that maybe the heater had broken, so I ran to check the temperature. Nope, everything was the same as it had been. He was still breathing, but he obviously wasn't doing very well. Once I was by him, he started frantically flapping his pectoral fin, causing his body to lift up slightly...but then he stopped and flopped back down. He ended up wriggling his way over to the filter and propped himself up against it. Desperate to do something, I did a 50% water change, knowing full-well that it probably would be meaningless.

I took the dogs outside and fed them, and I realized I'd forgotten to pick up some more chocolate milk for Ernie. I took Buddy with me for a quick ride to the store, and when I got home, Fitzgerald was still on the bottom of the tank, but he was upside down, resting on his back. I gently flipped him right-side-up, trying to at least let him be as comfortable as possible, but he instantly flipped back upside down. I called my parents and then laid on the couch and cried for awhile. I've read stuff about euthanizing fish, but there wasn't a single method I'd read that I could see myself actually doing. The supposed quickest and most humane apparently is to chop the head off. There's just no way...I mean, call me selfish because doing so would probably be better for Fitzgerald...but I just couldn't. When I talked to my dad, he told me to not feel bad because he said he could never do that either.

I also had a temporary glimmer of hope when while watching Fitzgerald, he suddenly swam right-side-up to the top of the tank. I was so excited...but then he flipped upside down and sank like a stone to the bottom.

His hospital tank is on the kitchen counter, so I had my arms folded on the counter with my chin resting on them, watching him. He was still breathing...his gills were opening and closing at what seemed to be fairly normal. At one point while watching him, his gills stopped opening. That was it.

I am just so crushed by this. Words can't describe. I loved Fitzgerald so much. Dad said maybe getting fish wasn't the best idea, because they can be so fragile, and I get so attached. He wasn't saying it to be mean, I think he just hates hearing me cry over the phone whenever something bad happens. I really can't blame him. I was crying so much while talking to Mom last night that she started crying too.

I have today off from work for Good Friday. The temperature's have been below freezing lately with a little snow. I'm hoping the ground won't be frozen too solid so that I can bury Fitz later.

My other marble angel Jasper has seemed so lonely in the tank since Fitz got put in the hospital tank. Those two were buddies. I feel very sad for him as well.