How Do You Ever Know When Marriage Is A Good Idea?
Posted 08-02-2007 at 06:25 AM by Bonochick
I've been thinking about this a lot lately but never mentioned it to anyone or wrote it down anywhere.
How do you ever know when marriage is a good idea? This person I used to be friends with got married recently, and I admit it...I laughed out loud when I heard the news. The thought of that person being married is absolutely absurd. Time will tell. Another person I know got married last year, and they seemed like such a great couple that it just seemed right...and now they are divorced.
I finally got prompted to write about this in my journal after seeing at another board two guys mention breaking up with their girlfriends, one after 5 years, one after 7 years. I realize they weren't married, but that's a long time to be together and then just have things not work out. I think the fact that love can just go away like that is terrifying. Granted, I don't know details...I don't know if there have been underlying problems for months, years, whatever. But things do happen sometimes seemingly out of the blue. A former co-worker of mine was engaged, and not long before the wedding, the other person suddenly called it off. Not in love anymore. Gone. That was that.
April marked 2 years of Ernie and I living together. Later this month will mark 3 years since we first met. People ask me if we're going to get married. Ernie says he never wants to get married...not just in regards to me, but in general. I realize it's not like that's set in stone, but I've also accepted the fact that if we stay together, we'll probably never get married. I'm all right with that. Marriage is 100% unpredictable anyway. I laughed at that old friend of mine getting married...but what do I know? What do they know?
If Ernie were to propose to me right now, I'd say yes. I feel that I'm as sure as I could ever be.
Quote me on that. Because if we end up not making it, it will just prove my whole point.
How do you ever know when marriage is a good idea? This person I used to be friends with got married recently, and I admit it...I laughed out loud when I heard the news. The thought of that person being married is absolutely absurd. Time will tell. Another person I know got married last year, and they seemed like such a great couple that it just seemed right...and now they are divorced.
I finally got prompted to write about this in my journal after seeing at another board two guys mention breaking up with their girlfriends, one after 5 years, one after 7 years. I realize they weren't married, but that's a long time to be together and then just have things not work out. I think the fact that love can just go away like that is terrifying. Granted, I don't know details...I don't know if there have been underlying problems for months, years, whatever. But things do happen sometimes seemingly out of the blue. A former co-worker of mine was engaged, and not long before the wedding, the other person suddenly called it off. Not in love anymore. Gone. That was that.
April marked 2 years of Ernie and I living together. Later this month will mark 3 years since we first met. People ask me if we're going to get married. Ernie says he never wants to get married...not just in regards to me, but in general. I realize it's not like that's set in stone, but I've also accepted the fact that if we stay together, we'll probably never get married. I'm all right with that. Marriage is 100% unpredictable anyway. I laughed at that old friend of mine getting married...but what do I know? What do they know?
If Ernie were to propose to me right now, I'd say yes. I feel that I'm as sure as I could ever be.
Quote me on that. Because if we end up not making it, it will just prove my whole point.
Total Comments 7
Comments
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Kat, I've been wondering the same thing lately...Posted 08-02-2007 at 08:49 AM by ~LadyLemon~
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a friend just got engaged after about 7 months of dating. my first reaction was shock. but it's hard not to compare to my own situation. Ken and I got engaged after 4 years and a few months of dating. two weeks from now will mark 5 years of dating for us, next year will mark 10 years of knowing each other. every year of dating has been almost terrifying for me and I never could pinpoint why, when the anniversary came up. maybe it was just as you described...could love truly disappear so quickly after being together for several years? even today, there's a certain amount of fear. there are no guarantees at all, but I suppose it's really just a leap of faith and believing you'll come out fine in the end.Posted 08-02-2007 at 09:16 AM by U2Girl416 -
It's definitely life...a leap of faith. Every day we wake up there is uncertainty. It can be scary, exhilarating, mundane etc. Who knows.
Relationships, as part of life, are the same. Two people come together, find things they have in common, form a friendship, a bond and begin to trust one another. Sometimes love comes hand in hand with this. It's precious, but it also takes constant attention and work. If you're not willing to work, find the balance, the give and take as each person experiences their own lives, sometimes it doesn't work out. Life also throws curve balls in to the mix.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and together for 25.
We lived together for five years before we got married. I never gave him the ultimatum because he was my best friend and I pretty much trusted that we would eventually get married due to our similar religious beliefs that this is what we would do.
I have to say that our common tough point is taking each other for granted and that life happens.
I also have to say that every time I hear about a divorce it makes me nervous and I say a little prayer of gratitude. Can you protect yourself from life? Can you decide not to experience things? Yes, but there is a tradeoff in your choice. Most importantly, it's a choice to make on your own and together.
My two cents... :DPosted 08-02-2007 at 09:56 AM by drumkeeran -
I thought about that a while ago when a lot of marriages I knew were breaking up. My conclusions were:
Some (small amount ) of people are truly destined to be together forever and are equipped to endure challenges etc.
A lot of people are going to have 2 or three fairly long monogomous relationships, any of them being a marriage, through their lives.
Others might have a long relationship or marriage early on, then move on, and maybe have another later in life. Others won't have anything till later in life, it's just not as important to them until then, or they finally get caught and decide it's okay not to run.
Others will just be single, maybe with some short intense relationships, maybe not, but nothing lasting a long stretch.
And not everyone fits in the same mold/template, and it's unfortunate that all of these types don't come with a sign so that they can be attracted to each other and not hurt the ones they pair up with from a different mold. Hopefully the leap of faith pays off and you end up with the one for you, however, even that may not be destined to be forever, for any number of reasons.
It's all the great unknown.
/hijackingwithramblingnonsensePosted 08-02-2007 at 11:20 AM by snowbunny00774 -
Never.
Posted 08-02-2007 at 12:47 PM by Sicy -
You don't know when it's a "good idea" - it's when you love each other enough to make a lifelong commitment to each other, because that's what love really is - a commitment not an emotion!
Don't do it if you think it's "the right thing to do" or you're "pretty sure" or "everyone else expects me to." All wrong answers! You'll have to put up with a lot of crap, boring everyday life, and many crises. You have to want to go thru them together and come out stronger. Good luck! :up:Posted 08-02-2007 at 09:04 PM by Discoteque -
I think it is completley normal to think things like that. It shows you actually "get it" and I'd be worried if someone was getting married and didn't ever have those types of thoughts. I'm getting married in 4 months and sometimes it really is overwhelming to think about...and then others times it is just so simple its a no-brainer.Posted 08-05-2007 at 06:20 PM by starsgoblue
