I have decided I can't win...
Posted 11-13-2009 at 11:27 PM by Got Philk?
I have a dilemma. I have a mom. She likes to control everything. I also have a wife. She actually at times will describe herself as a control freak.
Then, there are these things like holidays. Usually, this means togetherness and family right? Well, yes...but then my mom wants us to come this day...we can't do that for reasons on this end...I end up having two (wonderful) women getting frustrated at me. So, I try to please one, and then the other gets more upset....and so on....
What the hell do I do? I can't win! Thanksgiving and Christmas can wait in my book.
Then, there are these things like holidays. Usually, this means togetherness and family right? Well, yes...but then my mom wants us to come this day...we can't do that for reasons on this end...I end up having two (wonderful) women getting frustrated at me. So, I try to please one, and then the other gets more upset....and so on....
What the hell do I do? I can't win! Thanksgiving and Christmas can wait in my book.
Total Comments 13
Comments
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Thanksgiving at one place, Christmas at the other?
You've got your self in quite a nutshell, Philkerooni!
And I love how you added in the (wonderful).
Posted 11-13-2009 at 11:53 PM by BonosLil'Pal94
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In this case...once you get married, the wife becomes your priority, IMO.Posted 11-14-2009 at 01:03 AM by RedRocksU2 -
much agreed. I'm sure Liesje will love to hear that as well.
But my mom complains in a way more annoying way.
Posted 11-14-2009 at 10:31 AM by Got Philk? -
Switch every year? One year with your Mum, next year what you (both) want to do?Posted 11-14-2009 at 11:53 AM by Laura M -
Go with your heart as to who gets you....I struggled with this issue for countless years and I was always GUILTED into spending the holidays with my brother's family ...
Well, last year, I sucked it up, told him NO! to the shock of some but to the delight of others...its time for me AND you to start our own family traditions of being happy with those that mean the most...I hope this helps...!Posted 11-14-2009 at 07:25 PM by Mr. BAW -
"I also have a wife. She actually at times will describe herself as a control freak."
Hahahahaha.
The answer to Thanksgiving is obviously for you guys to come down here and spend the day watching movies with me instead of dealing with family drama.
As for Christmas...flip a coin. "Mom it's not my fault, yell at the coin!!" That'll toooootally work, right? Yes.Posted 11-15-2009 at 02:45 AM by Ultraviolet Light -
Holidays
As for options... take turns perhaps, like Thanksgiving Day with one family and Christmas Day with the other. Then reverse the following year. Or maybe celebrate on Christmas eve with one family and actual day with the other. Heck I don't know, is it New Years yet?Posted 11-15-2009 at 09:37 PM by Lila64 -
Oh my gosh, I so feel for you. I used to be one of the women in this situation and I can tell you it was probably the #1 cause of our arguments. It is quite painful and a pain in the ass to be frank.
The good thing for you is that you recognize it and are not in denial about having a controlling mother. Now what you do with it is the most important thing in your marriage.
IMO as well, no matter what or how tough the situation your wife should come first and she should always know this is how you feel. Honestly, once your wife sees this in you, a little bending may start to occur once she feels that you have secured her place and given her confidence that she is your priority
There also may come a time when a loving talk may need to occur with your mother addressing this, it sucks, but it may be needed.
Holidays, until it can be worked out, dividing the time or celebrating the day after or eve before?
I so feel for you, good luck with everything!
Posted 11-16-2009 at 11:15 AM by nicv -
Stay home by yourself.
That's all I want to do.Posted 11-16-2009 at 03:09 PM by UberBeaver -
Life will be easier if you go with your wife. My mother in law seems to think her son is still single and she is the most important woman in his life. Pick your wife!!!Posted 11-16-2009 at 07:20 PM by samralf - Ok, I have to clarify...it has nothing to do with where we go when. Liesje's parents live 5 minutes away. We are staying here for T-Giving. We are going to my parents for Christmas, but we will be here on Christmas Eve. Holidays are not really the main issue. The issue comes with little things like dogs...
Dogs??? yes...dogs. We have big dogs. Dog sitters for these dogs is dangerous... But mom doesn't want them around. Lies doesn't want to leave them. Argue through me and I go crazy.
There are so many little things...church...food...bank accounts...last names...Posted 11-16-2009 at 08:36 PM by Got Philk? -
First of all, Carlos, you're a good man
Second, I have resolved this issue with a compromise *gasp* yes, even I can compromise! The dogs that need the most work and attention happen to also be the more laid back, people friendly dogs. They are staying home with my sister and as payment she can use our '94 Caravan, our cable TV, and party at our house with her grungy hipster friends drinking her nasty PBR that I will provide as long as she doesn't provoke my protection dog or my neighbors (too much). She doesn't know this yet, but I'm sure she will agree. The neurotic dog that will not eat, sleep, or shit unless I'm around will come along because everyone in Phil's family either likes her anyway or concedes that she's very easy (basically hides in a crate or in a closed off room because she hates everyone but me anyway).
You see it was all pretty easy in the end. But I am a control freak.
Phil's just the messenger. His mom will say things about me to other people or say one thing but the tone of her voice and expression on her face implies something else. I'm more of the "say whatever the fuck it is you really mean and we'll go from there" kind of person. I'm the Black Sheep in-law because I don't go to church, have gay acquaintances, and spend more money on dogs and U2 shows than tithing (the former two being a lot and the latter being none).Posted 11-16-2009 at 08:52 PM by Liesje 
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We alternate Thanksgiving from year to year, but Christmas Eve is always at Mr GGs side and Christmas Day at my folks.
Its always been that way, even when we were just dating all the way back in High School.
But......I was the first wife of all the boys. And since Mr GG and I set this arrangement, it has been the other 3 boys and their wives who have either had to follow along or break the tradition (in which case it has not been good for the other wives)
With 17 people in the works, one would think that a few would not be missed. But the Mom always knows.....
Can you all do the holiday together?
When my sil lost her mom a few years ago, her dad started coming over for part of Thanksgiving. Its always fun to have him with us and my sil doesn't feel like he is left alone.
Holidays are hard.
You can't please them all, all of the time.
Posted 11-17-2009 at 06:14 PM by greeneyedgirl
