Its weird to say 'I dont care anymore!' - isnt it?
Posted 06-26-2003 at 05:44 AM by mad1
Isnt it, like? Its so weird and easy to say it........because its so selfish.......yet you have umpteen reasons.........related to you or not.
Perhaps - all this week I have said 'I dont care!' in a typical smash the car keys down onto the floor and just leave a trail of mess behind me.
Right now Im in a 'I dont care!' mode prob cause Im hurting....Im hurting cause I feel Im never gonna have someone. Its so fucking obvious.......pple are disappointed when they see me, they back off - and believe me, Ive had evidence of that...............I feel like an obstacle in the way of pple, like they wanna push past me, waiting to be moved to something or somewhere happier...........somewhere where Im meant to be.
Im not looking to be popular, I just wish I had guts to do the real things I want.................its getting out of that Square 1 thats annoyin..........
I wish daddy was still alive and that our familiar was normal.
Im finding it harder to cope with my 33 year old handicapped brother who has no sense and would stress you out.
All I want, for now,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,in the most unselfish way, if possible, is to discover love.......thats all I ask.
Its selfish to want to finish ur life..........but when you are there helping others and believe me, I love helping strangers......etc.....sometimes you want a little something for yourself.
I'll never get it...........I understand why though..............I look in the mirror and see exactly why I dont get what I would like......
And a lump gains in my throat but I never cry.....................you're laughed at when you cry........cause your being selfish.
I .....just.........wish...............
I ......just ..........wish..........
of course, ur all sitting there thinkin 'selfish bitch!'
I must sound twisted right now.....like i need help
maybe I do, but then maybe I dont....maybe its NORMAL to have these thoughts.........so many of us write in specific ways......
and ur right..................but these are just internal thoughts........just releasing them.........thats all...........its not harming anyone - it doesnt matter to you...........just venting.
fuk Ive had a shite week......
Perhaps - all this week I have said 'I dont care!' in a typical smash the car keys down onto the floor and just leave a trail of mess behind me.
Right now Im in a 'I dont care!' mode prob cause Im hurting....Im hurting cause I feel Im never gonna have someone. Its so fucking obvious.......pple are disappointed when they see me, they back off - and believe me, Ive had evidence of that...............I feel like an obstacle in the way of pple, like they wanna push past me, waiting to be moved to something or somewhere happier...........somewhere where Im meant to be.
Im not looking to be popular, I just wish I had guts to do the real things I want.................its getting out of that Square 1 thats annoyin..........
I wish daddy was still alive and that our familiar was normal.
Im finding it harder to cope with my 33 year old handicapped brother who has no sense and would stress you out.
All I want, for now,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,in the most unselfish way, if possible, is to discover love.......thats all I ask.
Its selfish to want to finish ur life..........but when you are there helping others and believe me, I love helping strangers......etc.....sometimes you want a little something for yourself.
I'll never get it...........I understand why though..............I look in the mirror and see exactly why I dont get what I would like......
And a lump gains in my throat but I never cry.....................you're laughed at when you cry........cause your being selfish.
I .....just.........wish...............
I ......just ..........wish..........
of course, ur all sitting there thinkin 'selfish bitch!'
I must sound twisted right now.....like i need help
maybe I do, but then maybe I dont....maybe its NORMAL to have these thoughts.........so many of us write in specific ways......
and ur right..................but these are just internal thoughts........just releasing them.........thats all...........its not harming anyone - it doesnt matter to you...........just venting.
fuk Ive had a shite week......
Total Comments 8
Comments
-
It's not selfish at all. You just need snuggling.
:hug:Posted 06-26-2003 at 05:52 AM by cydewaze
-
:hug:
Oh you're not being selfish at all. You're allowed to want things for yourself: not everything you do has to be about what other people want. You need to take care of yourself first. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes, you know? :hug: Take care.Posted 06-26-2003 at 05:58 AM by FizzingWhizzbees -
maddie, I agree that wishing for love for yourself is indeed somewhat selfish
then again we all do it
I know I do
you are very well entitled to venting
thing about you is though
that it's not often I see someone who has as great a sense of humour as you have + I keep insisting that you have poetical powers most of us could only wish for
the fact that every guy on here would tell you that to top off all of that you're also a very attractive lady doesn't work against you either (you really should sell that mirror of yours)
I know that I don't really know you except for this place so my words can only mean as much as you want them to
but if someone like you couldn't find love
life would be enormously depressing for people like me
you = rock !Posted 06-26-2003 at 07:47 AM by Salome - :hug: You're being selfish, but in a good way. You have to take care of yourself. Everyone feels isolated at times, it's nothing to feel guilty about, and it sounds like you've got big family responsibilities, so it's only natural to get overwhelmed sometimes. :hug: :hug: :hug: I really really really really really really hope you get to do something that's just fun today, and I agree with Salome. You rock the proverbial casbah! :)Posted 06-26-2003 at 09:37 AM by Bbug
-
:)
:hug:
Everyone wants to be loved - nothing selfish there.
I'm sure with your character and your smile you'll make it soon. Never say never!Posted 06-26-2003 at 01:07 PM by U2girl -
Hey pumpkin:hug:
It's a rocky old road that we follow, you being a rallygirl and all know about that.
mad1..you have so many good qualities and I saw a recent picture of you here and I was knocked out, after all your telling us you are a shocker. You are beautiful!! that's the outside bit
I know the insdie bit, the mind the heart, from reading your words here. That's even more beautiful.
I know you love you mum and your brother, families can be trying at the best of times. It's Ok to vent and to express your need for love.
I don't know what to say...you know me and raving on....
I still feel honoured by the nickname you bestowed upon me, it was perfect, you have a clever mind and a way with words, so many of us enjoy and appreciate.
oh my darlin' :hug: :hug: :hug:Posted 06-27-2003 at 04:48 AM by cass - I know what..I'll go make a post about some wise words I heard to day from JJJ's "nanna of renown"
at least I'll try. We have had torrential rain here lately and it makes my phone line crackle which makes my conncetion...disconnect
here goes
:hug:Posted 06-27-2003 at 04:52 AM by cass - Hoigh(which's hi in Irish ;)),Mad1!
Hello from Russia! Don't think u remember me but in case u do - it's Aine.
No,I don't think u're being selfish at all.In fact u're quite ok,pretty normal.
I've had enough shite this year and still I think that life's cool --and so r u:).
Remember:life's not a problem 2 be solved -- it's a mystery 2 be lived.U'll always find a way out if u want 2.
Viel spass!:)))
Posted 10-14-2003 at 03:14 PM by Aine
