hope springs eternal.
Posted 10-22-2009 at 03:51 PM by mickey
Was about to hammer out a mini novella on what it is that's troubling me but I ended up buying a house in Lisbon instead.
http://www.acasadascasas.pt/pt/detalhes.htm?RID=3453969
commitment.
At 34 I find myself alone - a little scared and quite lost. The world at my fingertips - all I need do is point. Except, I'm afraid to.
Another city, another business, another notch on the score card.
Time was, ambition and adventure were enough. To go out there and bend circumstance to my will. T'was fun until somebody showed me how meaningful it is to give. Give and take, take and give. A comfort zone that's been a large aspect of my life the past four years - I'm not sure I remember how to take on the world again. I want to, I'm excited at the opportunity but a void eats away tonight.
It hits me how much of myself I put into the relationship.
The void hurts. what is the point? Consciously, the best thing I can do is embrace this feeling.
It's one of the few times life shows you how exactly how fragile it is. Gone in a flash, Pune. Gone forever, Toronto. Singapore, Munich, Florence, my father.
Carpe Diem, this is my ship and I am its Captain.
So back to that house in Lisbon. It's there. It exists. It's real. And, it offers hope.
Salvation.
Growth.
Adventure.
Commitment.
Life.
http://www.acasadascasas.pt/pt/detalhes.htm?RID=3453969
commitment.
At 34 I find myself alone - a little scared and quite lost. The world at my fingertips - all I need do is point. Except, I'm afraid to.
Another city, another business, another notch on the score card.
Time was, ambition and adventure were enough. To go out there and bend circumstance to my will. T'was fun until somebody showed me how meaningful it is to give. Give and take, take and give. A comfort zone that's been a large aspect of my life the past four years - I'm not sure I remember how to take on the world again. I want to, I'm excited at the opportunity but a void eats away tonight.
It hits me how much of myself I put into the relationship.
The void hurts. what is the point? Consciously, the best thing I can do is embrace this feeling.
It's one of the few times life shows you how exactly how fragile it is. Gone in a flash, Pune. Gone forever, Toronto. Singapore, Munich, Florence, my father.
Carpe Diem, this is my ship and I am its Captain.
So back to that house in Lisbon. It's there. It exists. It's real. And, it offers hope.
Salvation.
Growth.
Adventure.
Commitment.
Life.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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That is one gorgeous house. You'll heal if you allow yourself.
Posted 10-22-2009 at 10:41 PM by Angela Harlem 
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Thank you.
I just want to ensure I heal with as little possible long term damage to myself. Such moments lend themselves to aberration in behavior. The danger is we might lose ourselves in such moments forever.
The challenge is not to give in to a burning desire to express to the person across.
Time is a great healer, I know I'm not really any different to the million other people that have had to confront pain and loss.
I guess I don't want to walk away from this losing hope that two people can connect, love, share, give, take, want, need and then choose to go different ways. That's pretty discouraging.
The house, lol. New vistas. A Portuguese-Canadian friend of mine who's an independent in the music industry for many years suggested a bed/breakfast, recoding studio where people like Nick Cave or Mick Harvy may drop by. The idea clicked, it held promise. Hope. At a moment in my life I've got many options to choose from and yet stay in my comfort zone, I need new adventures.
Regards/MickPosted 10-23-2009 at 03:58 AM by mickey 
- Thanks for the comment you left on my blog, Mickey. I might need to clarify that the NRMA are my car insurer. It's a typical story of my feeling the pinch of their corporate greed. It's not as sincere as your situation. I do hope you begin to feel a little better soon. I hope the house/vista thing works out, too. Sounds like a nice sidetrack, in the least!
Chin up, forward on, etc.Posted 10-25-2009 at 07:32 AM by Angela Harlem
