Staying put

Hey to anyone reading this. I expect this entry to get lost in the shuffle of it being Monday and the fact that a lot of interlanders are getting back from the NYC gathering and hopefully will be telling their stories. That NY gathering is bittersweet for me, as I was supposed to go, but due to professional circumstances, I was unable to attend. So, while I'm thrilled so many of you got together, despite the weather, I'm a little bummed (more than I thought I'd be) that I was unable to attend. I doubt my presence was missed, but, I think it's important to make it clear that I feel like I missed out.

Ok. I will attempt to make a very long story short. In one of my earlier entries, I alluded to a potential job opportunity in Chicago, a position that would still leave me working for my parent company. That opportunity did in fact come to fruition, I was offered a position, but not THE position I thought it was. It had been tweaked in the 5 weeks between my interview and the offer. I ended up turning it down, mostly because it was tweaked and thus it was robbed of some of its appeal, but also because another opportunity was made available to me, and this one was almost perfect. Would entail me getting back to the NY area, working for my best friend, with a position that I'm a good fit for, and with a lot of room to learn and expand my skills. Well, last Thursday, after a few nerve wracking weeks, I found out that I cannot take this job. It was offered to me, but, for reasons I'll not bore you with, I literally cannot accept it. So, I'm a bit frustrated and maybe more than a bit bummed out, but, it is what it is, right? The bottom line, and I keep telling myself this, is that after all of this chaos and nervousness and drama and disappointment, I still end up being in a job I love, with people I like a lot, with a staff I enjoy, with a boss who grants me tons of autonomy, with a paycheck that does not suck, in a place I've been over 9.5 years, and I'm still only 36. So, life is good, it is not a bad one, but, I suppose I wanted it to get a tad better, and for me, that means leaving LA for the Northeast, or at least getting closer/getting to a new city. Again, I recognize that my "problems", at least ones like these, pale in comparison to the issues of others, I get it. I still have to deal with it, though. Also, some small part of me should at least be glad, or flattered, or satisifed that I interviewed for 2 positions and that those interviews obviously went well. I need to give myself credit if it's due. I'll work on that. Oh, and, my friends have been amazingly supportive, really encouraging, especially the ones that live here in LA. I'm blessed in that category.

Other updates:

Medical - Blood sugar still doing ok without the benefits of oral meds or insulin, so, that's good. Every day I can avoid the meds and the insulin is a good day for me, though, I know that inevitably, I'll run out of beta cells and will need assistance with breaking glucose down. Getting both knees MRI'd next month, need to see how badly messed up they are. Right now, I can run, but it hurts, so, want to see if surgery is needed. Yes, I'm only 36. Oh, and I'm puking today. Yay! Well, not Yay, but still. Might be a bug.

Movies - Saw Zodiac last weekend, loved it. I've never been in a theater that was quiter than for this film. Nobody talked, nobody got up, you never felt like you could leave your seat and not miss anything important. Loved it. Saw Breach last night, liked it, did not love it. Chris Cooper is a great actor. Ordered Half Nelson on DVD, looking forward to watching it.

Books - Reading "The Terror" by one of my favorite authors, Dan Simmons. He writes in a few genres, and he's great, at least he is to me. "The Terror" is his latest, and I like it a lot. Before that, re-read "To Kill a Mockingbird", since I had not read it since HS. What can I say about that book that's not been said already?

Sports - March Madness was here Thu-Sun, I watched a TON of college basketball. It starts up again on Thursday, love it. Then, before you know it, Major League Baseball begins. Softball season starts in less than a month, looking forward to it. I hope my knees allow me to play without a major problem.

Travel - Well, the NYC trip getting killed off due to work stuff sucked. Next up, Florida, leave on Thursday, come back on Monday. Business trip, but fun business, will be heading to Spring Training. Looking forward to it. Besides that, trying to get to NY in April or May, some business, some pleasure. Also need to head to Detroit at some point, as well as Atlanta, both for business. Am starting to think of a European vacation in the coming months, have not been since 2004.

Music - Went through a huge Muse phase. Then Arcade Fire. Now, been listening to Catherine Wheel a lot. They're easily my favorite band that did not make it big. Also listening to Rob Dickinson's solo album, since he was the singer for Catherine Wheel.

Romance - Well, I honestly have not cared for a few months, cos I kept thinking I was gonna be moving. Now that I'm here in LA until, at least, May of 2008, I might start to care again. Not that me caring automatically means lines of single women cue up at my door, but you get the point. I wonder if I'll ever be more proactive on this front. I don't know. I do know that it's still a great, even giddy feeling when I do meet a woman who is smart and makes me laugh and we discover that we can talk effortlessly. I like that, I like the uniqueness of that feeling. Actually, I like the various pleasures I get that feel unique from all other pleasures. Exploring new cities or countries, that feeling is like no other. Racing to finish an amazing book, that too feels like no other thing to me. Seeing a great band in concert provides one with a sensation that has nothing in common with anything else you feel. Hell, even hitting a Home Run in softball, or winning your league's championship, that too carries with it a joy unfelt in other arenas of life. So, I wonder if the joy of saying "I do" or the euphoria of seeing your child enter this world lays in store for me. I want it, and I don't want it all at the same time, but the best part is that I truly do not know if that'll happen for me or not.

My 2 close friends in Vegas, married couple, just told me over the weekend that they're expecting, that makes me really happy! This couple will make amazing parents. Another couple I'm close with are now trying to adopt. I got to write a letter to the adoption agency expressing why I think they'd make good parents; that was a pleasure to write.

Well, I think we can all agree that I ramble too much in here, but it does feel good to express myself in this journal. I've talked and talked and talked about the job thing, but it felt good to write it down and I think it will help me to get past how I'm feeling right now. Maybe my next entry will just be something light and silly, like an original Haiku by me. What? You want one now? Demanding bastards, here is one I'll make up quickly...about.....me.

What's his name, the guy
who rambles in his journal
It's No Spoken Words!!!!

Bonus Haiku:

Hey Luke Skywalker
I just watched Episode I
and you're no Jedi

Guys like Quai-Gon Jinn
and Obi-Wan Kenobi
did some crazy shit

They could run real fast
Fight a hundred droids at once
all you do is whine

Thanks, just in case one or two of you made it this far, I appreciate it. I'm on record with liking feedback, so if you've anything to say, good or bad, let 'er rip.