I'm in love...
Posted 07-30-2009 at 07:08 PM by partygirlvox
with a retired actress 50 years older than me who works at the bookshop. She loves Murdoch and hates Roger Federer. She thinks people who read the Guardian (me) are whimsical lefties and she thinks all children should be taught Latin from pre-school upwards. When I sent her a postcard from Paris she circled all my spelling mistakes in red pen and made everyone laugh at my absolute idiocy, and told me she'd treasure it forever.
I'm enraptured!
My life is made up of a scattering of such people. Some of which I hate, some I love - but largely, an interesting set that I'll be sorry to give up this September. Hence my decision to put off University til next year? There are lots of reasons for it (I might get better exam results than predicted, I may've under-applied, I might be able to go to London instead if I reapply... etc), but I suppose being happy where I am is the biggest. This comes from going to Paris, the place I love most in the world and have wanted to run away to in some clandestine fit of passion one windswept evening for many many months now, and realising that one cannot run from ones problems and there's no glittering haven waiting for me dans le Francais, or anywhere for that matter, either. As Philip Pullman (aka, the demi-god) said it -
"...the Kingdom is over, the Kingdom of Heaven - it's all finished. We shouldn't live as if it matters more than this life in this world, because where we are is always the most important place..."
So I've rather liked July, for all the vapidity of June. Although it doesn't much feel like July at the moment...
From my bedroom window yesterday morning. Morning! In the Summer. Summer! Always cheerful in Shropshire of course.
I'm enraptured!
My life is made up of a scattering of such people. Some of which I hate, some I love - but largely, an interesting set that I'll be sorry to give up this September. Hence my decision to put off University til next year? There are lots of reasons for it (I might get better exam results than predicted, I may've under-applied, I might be able to go to London instead if I reapply... etc), but I suppose being happy where I am is the biggest. This comes from going to Paris, the place I love most in the world and have wanted to run away to in some clandestine fit of passion one windswept evening for many many months now, and realising that one cannot run from ones problems and there's no glittering haven waiting for me dans le Francais, or anywhere for that matter, either. As Philip Pullman (aka, the demi-god) said it -
"...the Kingdom is over, the Kingdom of Heaven - it's all finished. We shouldn't live as if it matters more than this life in this world, because where we are is always the most important place..."
So I've rather liked July, for all the vapidity of June. Although it doesn't much feel like July at the moment...
From my bedroom window yesterday morning. Morning! In the Summer. Summer! Always cheerful in Shropshire of course.
Total Comments 11
Comments
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Let me preface by saying I'm not a particularly optimistic person and am usually quite pessimistic. I respectfully disagree with something you wrote though. You said that you didn’t have a glittering haven waiting for you. I don’t believe that. I think we all have a haven, a home, a port or however one wishes to imagine it. It is a misconception in my opinion to view them as a place though. When I was a kid I used to fantasize like you wouldn’t believe about all these places around the world. I imagined visiting these places like Japan, Germany and the Antarctic (which is just bizarre
.) I’d dream of wandering jungles, deserts, oceans and frozen wastelands. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that these places could never be as great as my fantasies of them. We imagine these places to better than they really are and we remember them with that same hyperbolic imagination. We can build them up or tear them down and dream them up again with ease. It isn’t possible to do that with people though. People are so unique and surprising. We are so unpredictable and have so much depth that no writer, dreamer or philosopher could create a true person. I truly believe that’s where one finds their haven. Places change, one's location changes but great people maintain through it all. A haven in my opinion is a group of people that you can always be yourself around without pause, that are there for you and that you are always cherishing those moments with. There is the port, the shelter and the harbor of amazing people. If that’s not a haven then I don’t know what is. The Kingdom may be over but great people go on…and on. Heaven and hell are designs of the human mind. The human emotion in infinite diversity and the vastness of characters on this planet, in combination, are capable of far greater constructs. Sometimes you have to wait to find that group of people and sometimes they were there all along. 
That’s my belief anyways, though I don’t know if you believe any of that or even if it is a rubbish belief. In any case I’m beginning to ramble. 
P.S. That picture is amazing. What a sight to wake up to!
EDIT: Holy crap, I didn't realize I wrote that much.
Posted 07-30-2009 at 10:45 PM by Screwtape2 
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It's this rain that has been delaying the Second Cricket Test between England and Australia in Birmingham
(Generic comment to prevent myself from getting into a long comment
)Posted 07-31-2009 at 02:50 AM by Babydoll -
^ Good, whenever the damn cricket's on the BBC cancels practically everything else
^^ Woah nelly, Justin, I've written shorter essays! I don't think it's a rubbish belief, but I do think it's a potentially destructive one. What if you never find this so called 'haven' ? What if you do, but it's not how you imagined it and not what you want or need? We're all victims of circumstance and need to make the most of what we've got when we've got it. And have no vague ideas of '... in the future!' or 'when I'm here/when I'm with these certain people!' 'then I'll be happy.' One doesn't find happiness like that, it can't be obtained in such a methodical, formulaic manner. That's the cornerstone of my belief in happiness, anywayPosted 07-31-2009 at 06:02 AM by partygirlvox - Yes, many apologies for the length.
I agree that we are victims of circumstance and I don’t think you can actively pursue things such as certain groups of people. A person can strive for something they think will make them happy but life is unpredictable and not adapting to that is what I feel would be truly destructive. With that in mind, there is no uniform answer to your ‘what if’ questions. I think in the most basic sense what I’m saying in all this is that there are no magical places to match our hopes and dreams but there are people that create an environment for us, without knowing it, that is more quietly fulfilling than any fantasy we could imagine.Posted 07-31-2009 at 12:43 PM by Screwtape2 -
Emma's bedroom
But seriously, in a laid back American sort of way "You gotta do what you gotta do" and more power to you for realizing what will make you happy. In the long run, going to uni now or in a year or two years, doesn't make a huge difference. (I'm also of the opinion that it doesn't much matter where you go to uni either, but that's another story)
Posted 07-31-2009 at 01:06 PM by zuropa_fit -
Philip Pullman
You know what?, I've had the same problem as you in the past few weeks. Do I keep studying, ect.
So I asked myself some questions eg: Am I doing this because I feel I have to? Am I doing this because this is what people do?
I then asked myself, am I happy? Which the answer was yes.
(I'm just going to chuck in my two cents)
Emma, as long as you feel content at the moment with the way things are going, just go with it. Uni will always be there. It's not the end of the world if you don't go.
By the way if you ever do run away to paris, let me know. One day I might follow.Posted 07-31-2009 at 11:12 PM by Zoobaby14 -
I'm a whimsical lefty too
Posted 08-02-2009 at 01:08 PM by waynetravis - Wayne - it goes without saying
Zooey - I'm of that opinion too. It's not for everyone, and the assumption that it is could be counter productive for allllot of people (not to mention bloody elitist as hell.)
Justin - But if something (even if it's a group of people) is strived for as a sort of 'Haven', then surely its a mere imagined thing? An imagined state of being - an imagined happinness I suppose. One you're looking for and won't necessarily find; not in that way anyway.
Rochelle - I thought I read recently that you've gotten onto a course, have you changed your mind about pursuing that now? Your two cents are always welcomed of course As would be your joining me in Paris. In the none too far future, I hope to see you there.Posted 08-02-2009 at 05:07 PM by partygirlvox - Zooey, you know you'll NEVER be your actual name to me right?
Posted 08-02-2009 at 05:07 PM by partygirlvox - Yeah I have, and have had a few moments of doubt due to my friends that are off to uni, with the most amazing jobs in mind. But as I said, I'm happy at the moment and thats all that matters
Posted 08-03-2009 at 06:02 AM by Zoobaby14 -
I do believe everyone has a glittering haven waiting for us, somewhere, somehow. And however we may find that, I'm sure happiness comes from within, and the place will folllow. So like you said, it's impossible for someone to run away from their problems. First, inner serenity, then, moving to wherever it is that your heart is desiring you to go.
Posted 08-11-2009 at 06:05 AM by JanuaryStar
