mellow moog

I have a huge dilemma right now.

My wife has a massive problem with the money I've spent following U2 and she just found out about the 2010 tour. I was dreading when she found out and now she has, I already feel the ice age coming on!!

I'm looking for some guidance here from anyone whose been in a similar situation. I really think this could lead to the breakup of my marriage and I'm not even kidding!!! I can easily afford what I've been spending by the way. We both work have no kids so I'm not depriving anyone of anything with what I'm doing.

Should I just give up my chance of seeing U2 next year for the sake of my marriage. Am I being selfish? What would other people do in this situation.

Togna_Bologna

If it was Nickelback, then I could understand... but U2? C'mon!

But seriously...

I'm no shrink, but I'm guessing this really isn't about her hatred of U2.

Zoots

Ask yourself what is more important. The marriage or a series of parties that come very four years or so? Seriously, if your wife is not a fan herself but is okay with tolerating your hobby to an extent, that is fine. If she really hates/despises your U2 hobby then it is a problem. How is it that you didn't talk about such things before the marriage?

An Cat Gav

My wife also really hates U2, so I know how you feel.

Can't you maybe just go to one or two shows? She can't object to that can she?

domo-kun

Hmm , sounds like a really unplesseant, maybe you should talk about the reasons , why shy doesn't want you to spend some money and have some fun. Take her with you? If she hates U2 that much , why not try talking to her that you don't. Its not forbidden for you to have some fun, and if its reall true that you don't come into any financial problems, then I don't really see whats her problem? Maybe she doesn't like to be alone when your gone? Talking is the only way I think.
I hope everything gets allright between the two of you.

Togna_Bologna

Ha ha! There's lots of things that my wife and I loved about each other before the marriage, that 9 years later drive each other up the wall!

My guess is that when you're dating somebody, it doesn't matter so much that they're a fan of a band you don't enjoy, because you're in love...
Years later, that thing that you tolerated when you were in love drives you mad. Especially when you think it's costing you time and money.

But like I said before, if this is really causing issues in your marriage, U2 isn't the real problem.

An Cat Gav

I think if you've been spending lots of money travelling around the world or the states to see U2 then I can maybe understand her view, but if your just going to a show or maybe a few, then I don't see why she would have a problem.
Maybe she thinks you prefer U2 to her, maybe she's a little jealous, or a lot jealous!!
If you cut back on the amount of shows you're going to then she'd see you've made changes for her, afterall you're marriage is more important.

elevashn_hj

I think the general question that most people would ask is are you suffering consequences due to your actions. If that is the case, then it is your problem and not hers. It sounds to me that she is upset about the money you are spending. You see it as she hates U2. I would venture a guess that she would respond the same way about any musical act or anything that caused you to spend the money that you are on U2.

My advice is that if seeing U2 is so important to you that you will cause strain to your marriage over it, then get a divorce and spend your time following U2. However, something tells me that your marriage is more important to you and you are either simply being selfish or you are a compulsive spender and that is the real problem. If that is the case, I would suggest that you get help for that. Good luck.

chels82

Have you tried taking her to a show or do you go alone? Maybe if you let her into that part of your world, she'd be a bit more apt to be okay with you going to multiple shows.

I dunno...it sounds like she might be a little jealous of the time/money you spend on following U2.

mellow moog

I've tried talking about it believe me. She knew about my fanaticism since early on. I think the fact that day 2 of our honeymoon was spent watching U2 in San Diego 97 Popmart might have given that one away!!!
She's been to about 6 or 7 shows with me and she now has a semi-permanent thigh muscle problem from queuing/standing at Cardiff for 12 hours in 05 which hasn't exactly endeared U2 to her heart much!
She is jealous that I feel so strongly about anything. Friends and family have told me as much but I have gone to the ends of the earth to show her she is more important. The only other thing I can do is give up my love for U2 which to me is like ripping my heart out!!!!! I feel someone who loves me should respect that but I'm desperately trying to understand her standpoint.
I will be totally honest here. I have seen U2 a lot of times in the last 25 years. If I had to give up seeing them for the sake of my marriage then I have to. I hate that I am being put in this position!!!!!!!!

mellow moog

Of course my marriage is the most important thing. I agree with your opinion about following any band/musician. I could be following Barry Manilow and she'd still have the same reaction!!!

chels82

From a female standpoint, I do understand how she feels. I had a long standing relationship with someone who was "married" to their music and therefore spent more time doing that than with me. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last because he didn't care to make an occasional sacrifice. Not saying you have to give up all U2 shows...but you don't need to go to every single one, do you?

Pick the one closest to you and go. Compromise.

UberBeaver

Bullshit. No one takes issue with Barry.

How much are you spending on this anyway? Is it a significant amount of money? If it's unreasonable, then yeah, she has a right to get mad. I would. If it's just a show or two, and you're not heading towards foreclosure, then I don't see an issue.

thelaj

Anybody who loves and cares about you wouldn't hate your interests to that level. If there is a financial element, that is different. If she just hates the fact you like something besides her, then how can she really understand you?

I couldn't be with someone who didn't respect my own interests, even if they didn't share them.

gvox

^ I don't agree with the poster above me at all and I think they have completely misinterpreted the situation ie selfish and compulsive spending. I don't think it's fair for a spouse to put some sort of decision blockade in front of their mate. I'm not just talking off the cuff here. When people get married they do so with a vow to stay with the person and support them in their various interests. No person should feel like they are forced to choose between U2 (or any other musical act) and their spouse. It's fine if the spouse doesn't want to participate, but in reality, it's only a few shows every few years, put into perspective against the hours days weeks and months that a couple spend together otherwise.

My wife gave me a bit of grief last week, admittedly. She resented the time I spent away as I don't live very far from the venue (ie within 30 mins or so) but I wanted to be downtown in case stuff with the band was going down. I didn't argue this time around I just repeated what I said in the above paragraph. I got an apology the other day to the effect of 'I guess I shouldn't have gotten so angry about the time, I mean I don't hate U2 or anything and it's good clean fun so it's ok in moderation. I guess I would have rather been there with you like on the past two tours'. And THAT, I can totally understand.

I'd say you should say "you know what, U2 shows are important to me, and they always will be. Moreover, you are extremely important to me, but I can't see any reason why I should have to choose. If I had it my way, you'd be at my side for every show. Why don't you come along, just one show at least?" She may not like them now, but you know what? She could spend the entire show looking at you and ignoring the band, and if she's really in love with you, she'll love being there just to see the happiness on your face. If she really loves you, it won't matter how much she hates the music, trust me.


My two cents.

EDIT: just saw that she has in fact been to shows with you. Not sure what to say there then, but I'll leave my advice up for anyone who's spouse has NOT yet been to a show with them. All in all, I don't believe people should feel forced to choose between something as innocent as concert attendance and their marriage, especially when it's been part of the fabric of who you are and your marriage since the get go, it's not like you just recently became infatuated with U2 and this is broadsiding her.

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